55 Funny Weed Quotes And Sayings

Funny Weed Quotes

The Funniest Stoner Quotes On The Internet!

Funny weed quotes are a great way to bring some good vibes into your life. 

If you’re looking for a good laugh, these famous quotes and funny sayings really put the use of weed into perspective.

Truth is, sweet mary jane is a source of joy, relaxation and happiness to millions of people across the world, and the famous people in this article have done a really good job of showing us all why, with these funny stoner quotes.

So for anyone who says laughter is the best medicine, tell them that smokin’ weed is a close second!

Funny Weed Quotes From The Big Screen

“I’m trying to decide how stoned I am and just how on the verge of death am I right now. Like, am I seeing shit because I’m stoned or because I have no blood left in my body.” 

— Pineapple Express

“I’m trying to decide how stoned I am and just how on the verge of death am I right now. Like, am I seeing shit because I’m stoned or because I have no blood left in my body.” 

“We had two bags of grass, seventy-five pellets of mescaline, five sheets of high-powered blotter acid, a salt shaker half-full of cocaine, and a whole galaxy of multi-colored uppers, downers, screamers, laughers…” 

– Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas

“Littering and smoking the reefer. Now to teach you boys a lesson, me and officer Rabbit are going to stand here while you three smoke the whole bag” 

–  Super Troopers

“If I study high, take the test high, I’ll get HIGH scores!” 

– How High

Funny Weed Quotes
Funny Weed Quotes

“Smokin’ weed, smokin’ Wizz, / Doin’ coke, drinkin’ beers, / Drinkin’ beers, beers, beers, / Rollin’ fattys, smokin’ blunts, / Who smokes the blunts? / We smoke the blunts. / Rollin’ blunts and smokin’.” 

–  Jay And Silent Bob Strike Back

“Is that a joint man? That there looks like a quarter-pounder.” 

 –  Cheech and Chong 

“I know you don’t smoke weed, I know this, but I’m gonna get you high today, ’cause it’s Friday; you ain’t got no job… and you ain’t got shit to do.” 

– Friday

“Dude, am I really high, or is this actually working?” 

– Harold and Kumar Go to White Castle

Funny Weed Quotes By The Unknown!

“A puff a day keeps the debauched attitude away.” 

“You either love weed, or you’re wrong.” 

“It’s CANnabis, not CAN’Tabis.”

Funny Weed Quotes
Funny Weed Quotes

“I never joined high school, I joined school high.” 

“When in doubt, smoke it out.”

Funny Weed Quotes By The Famous People

“If somebody gives me a joint, I might smoke it, but I don’t go after it.” 

– John Lennon

“Is marijuana addictive? Yes, in the sense that most of the really pleasant things in life are worth endlessly repeating.”

– Richard Neville

“I find it quite ironic that the most dangerous thing about weed is getting caught with it.” 

Bill Murray

Funny Weed Quotes
Funny Weed Quotes

“A friend with weed is a friend indeed…”

–  Pops O’Donnell

“We talk to each other in code. We said that 420 was a special number. It was a time. It was a date. It was a symbol for what we did for passive resistance.” 

– Rick Cusick

“We talk to each other in code. We said that 420 was a special number. It was a time. It was a date. It was a symbol for what we did for passive resistance.” 

“Let us burn one from end to end, and pass it over to me my friend.” 

– Ben Harper

“It really puzzles me to see marijuana connected with narcotics … dope and all that crap. It’s a thousand times better than whiskey – it’s an assistant – a friend.” 

– Louis Armstrong

“To inspire himself, he lit up a marijuana cigarette, excellent Land-O-Smiles brand.”

– Philip K. Dick

“I have used cannabis all over the world.” 

– Rick Steves

“You know what I’m really tired of is people getting arrested for the possession of marijuana. It’s just a plant. It makes no sense.” 

– Madeline Martinez

“I got high, and forgot I wasn’t supposed to get high.” 

– Ricky Williams

Funny Weed Quotes
Funny Weed Quotes

Alcohol and marijuana, if used in moderation, plus loud, usually low-class music, make stress and boredom infinitely more bearable.”

– Kurt Vonnegut

“Of course I know how to roll a joint.” 

– Martha Stewart

“When you smoke herb, it reveals you to yourself.” 

– Bob Marley

“I have always loved marijuana. It has been a source of joy and comfort to me for many years. And I still think of it as a basic staple of life, along with beer and ice and grapefruits – and millions of Americans agree with me.”

 – Hunter S. Thompson

“If you grew up in the ’60s or ’70s, and didn’t do drugs I don’t trust you.” 

– Danny Danko

Funny Weed Quotes
Funny Weed Quotes

“I don’t consider weed to be any worse than having a beer.” 

– James Franco

“Smoking helped put me in touch with the realm of the senses.” 

– Hugh Hefner

“That is not a drug, it’s a leaf.” 

– Arnold Schwarzenegger

“I smoke two joints before I smoke two joints. And then I smoke two more.” 

– Sublime

Funny Weed Quotes
Funny Weed Quotes

“Everything is better with a bag of weed.” 

— Stewie Griffin

“I think people need to be educated about the fact that marijuana is not a drug. Marijuana is a herb and a flower. God put it here. If he put it here and He wants it to grow, what gives the government the right to say that God is wrong?” 

– Willie Nelson

U.S Presidents On Weed (Quotes)

“Hemp is of first necessity to the wealth & protection of the country.” 

– Thomas Jefferson

“I don’t think [pot] is more dangerous than alcohol.”

– Barack Obama

“We shall, by and by, want a world of hemp more for our own consumption.” 

– John Adams

“Make the most of the Indian hemp seed, and sow it everywhere!”

– George Washington

“‎Some of my finest hours have been spent on my back veranda, smoking hemp and observing as far as my eye can see.” 

Thomas Jefferson

‘When I was in England I experimented with marijuana a time or two, and I didn’t like it. I didn’t inhale.’

– Bill Clinton

“The greatest service that can be rendered to any country is to add a useful plant to its culture.” 

– Thomas Jefferson

“When I was a kid I inhaled frequently. That was the point.”

– Barack Obama

Funny Weed Quotes From Comedians

“Why is marijuana against the law? It grows naturally upon our planet. Doesn’t the idea of making nature against the law seem to you a bit unnatural?” 

– Bill Hicks

“Marijuana is not a drug!!! I used to suck d**k for coke! You ever suck D**K for marijuana?” 

–  Bob Saget

Funny Weed Quotes
Funny Weed Quotes

“New Rule: Stop putting psychedelic screensavers on computers. I sit down to check my email, and the next thing I know it’s three days later, I’m in the desert, I’m banging on a drum, I’m naked, and somebody’s pierced my dick.” 

–  Bill Maher

“People say you can abuse marijuana. Well shit, you can abuse cheeseburgers too, you know? You don‘t go around closing Burger King because you can abuse something.” 

– Joe Rogan

Funny Weed Quotes
Funny Weed Quotes

“Don’t give me that shit that weeds a drug. It ain’t no motherfu**in drug. I’ve done the research. It’s just a plant. It just grows like that.”

 – Katt Williams

Funny Weed Quotes By Rappers

“I wake up early in the morning and it feels so good. Smoking on some shit that you wish you could.” 

– Snoop Dogg

“Stop killing each other man. Let’s just smoke a blunt.” 

– Tupac

Funny Weed Quotes
Funny Weed Quotes

“Long as me and my team are here, there’s gon’ be some weed in the air.”

– Wiz Khalifa

“Smoke the marijuana and get high. Stay above the wicked and fly.” 

Snoop Dogg

“Struggle is the enemy, but weed is the remedy.” 

– Kid Cudi

“I’m all about the money, dress like everyday sunny, rollin weed like a Marley, smile like everything funny.”

– Wiz Khalifa

“It makes me feel the way I need to feel.” 

– Snoop Dogg